Kill Me Passionately
by enragedpurple
Summary: Jensen Nakajima is trying to run from her past, and so she goes to Cross Academy. There, she realizes she only succeeded in bringing herself closer to what she was running from. She find love (again), deals with her past, makes some new friends, and finds out that life is not all love and pain.
1. Close Encounter Of The Third Kind

_**Author's Note: I don't know how many of you have read my other story I am writing with a friend "Night Class Camping Trip" but, in there, there is a character I created named Jensen Nakajima. **_

_**She is from this story. :) So, this is her tale and... read and enjoy, I guess.  
**_

Prologue:

When all you have is yourself to talk to, things get lonely. To only know that one person is there for you is to be told you are insane.

But to act on this insanity is to find out who you really are. To act on what others think is a fault and keep on kicking is to determine your worth. And to find love in the mix of chaos is to know you truly matter.

To find a lover who would die with you is to

**Kill Me Passionately**

Chapter One - Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

"Kyah! Someone stole my uniform!" A girl came streaming out of her dorm, towel clutched around her slight frame and hair dripping down her back. All the girls in the hallway stopped, looking over their shoulders at her. I hid behind one of the others, watching her as she blushed profusely.

"Min, are you sure you didn't just lose it again?" One of the other girls came up to her, resting a hand on her shoulder. Min shook her head, wet brown strands clinging to her face.

"The door was busted open!" She shouted again, her eyes landing on the girl with fear. The girl sighed, slipping a white band around her arm. She turned back to the crowd gathered around the confused girl, eyeing everyone suspiciously.

"Now, I want you to come forward and tell me if you took her uniform. You know that is a serious crime on school grounds, so just admit it now and maybe we can avoid punishment," She rolled her eyes as Min clung to her arm in fear, but her eyes scanned the crowd with the white-banned girl.

"Yuki, you know it's not fair to hold us here because Min misplaced something," One of the other girls piped up. Yuki sighed, pulling a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

"Well, until we find that uniform, Min can't exactly help it, can she?" Yuki retorted, meeting the eyes of the girl who had spoken. I sighed, moving amongst the crowd to try and get free. There was no way I was going to stand here and wait for a misplaced uniform to be found.

But the fact that I stole it probably didn't help.

"Hey, you, where do you think you're going?" Yuki caught sight of my light brown bobbing head as I attempted to make a break for it. I sighed, letting my shoulders sag. I didn't turn around, didn't look at her. Yuki moved forward in the crowd, the other girls moving for her. I sighed again, breaking into a run.

I ran down the halls, Yuki right behind me. As we got to the stairs, I jumped over the railing, landing perfectly on my feet. I heard Yuki gasp as she looked down the three flights after me. There was no way she could make that jump, so now I had the advantage.

I pushed my way past people, pushing some down forcefully as I finally broke free of the girls' building and out onto the lawn. I ran in the sunlight, shielding my eyes with one pale hand as I ran. I felt a slight burning begin in my body, realizing then that I really ought to have thought things through.

"Zero! Help me get her!" I heard Yuki behind me, looking over my shoulder to see her shouting to a silver haired boy. I rolled my green eyes, looking back ahead as I continued to run. There was no way that he was going to be any help in catching me, and there was no way that Yuki _could_ catch me.

I ran faster pushing my speed to the limits. Behind me, I heard someone speed up and the other stop completely. I looked behind me to see the boy named "Zero" literally only a foot behind me. Startled, I let a small gasp escape my mouth.

By this point we had reached a small square pool of water. I stopped by the edge of it, turning my back to the water. Zero stopped in front of me, panting slightly. I lifted my hands in the air, surrendering. I glanced between him and the water, startled when he pulled free an anti-vampire gun. The fear in my eyes must have been evident, because the next thing I knew it was pointed directly in my face.

Yuki finally caught up to Zero, standing a few feet behind him. My eyes landed on her, scanning up her body and stopping at her neck. _Her neck_. Against my will, sharp teeth poked through my mouth, causing me to place a hand over them. _Hate them, hate them, kill her, kill her, blood…blood_. Thoughts rammed in my head as I stared at the slayer and the girl, blood pounding in my ears as I could hear her luscious heartbeat. _The heartbeat that could be my lunch_.

"Vampire," Zero sneered, poking the gun further into my face. I hissed at him, baring my fangs completely now. He glared harder, letting the cool metal of the gun make contact with my face just once.

I growled towards them, the ominous sound ringing dully around the wave s of the water. My hungry eyes landed on Yuki as she started to hide behind Zero, her hand on her metal rod as well as one clutching his jacket. Zero inhaled a sharp breath, staring at me with determination. His gun lowered to my chest, his grip on it slacking. That gave me an opening. I hissed once more, then lunging towards her.

I reached her, grabbing her away from Zero. I pulled her to me, ready to place my lips to her neck when a frightening gun shot rang out. I fell to the ground, grabbing my shoulder in pain as a scream erupted from my lips. My light brown hair fell in front of my face as I fell to my knees, the longest purple streak of hair curling around my elbow.

_Blood, blood, everywhere, blood. Blood… Mine, my blood, luscious liquid… Drink, Drink, sustain_. I rambled in my mind, the pain taking me from my thirst for the girl.

"Zero, is she a level E?" Yuki ran towards Zero, managing to get behind him once again as he prepared to shoot me.

"You… just shot… an aristocrat, you know," I hissed through my teeth. Both of them exchanged glances, each weapon dropping to their sides. Zero's light purple eyes met mine, ferocity to them that only an animal could have. _Only a vampire_. I got to my feet, my hands still clutched around the bleeding wound.

"Zero-Kun, what did I tell you about practicing on school - oh my," A dark blonde haired man came around the corner, green shawl wrapped around his shoulders. His glassed eyes came to rest on me, taking in my streaked hair and bleeding arm. "Zero, why did you shoot an aristocrat?" The man asked, as if this was a normal thing for the slayer in front of me.

"Yuki was chasing her and told me to chase after her. I got here first, and then she tried to drink Yuki's blood," Zero stated all of this with a blank face, his tone blunt and sharp. His eyes never left me, and his gun never slacked again. I glared to him, more curious than offended at this point.

"Is this true, Yuki?" The man asked with a smile on his face. Yuki simply nodded, still looking to me as well. "Well then, Miss Nakajima, what did you do to get dear Yuki to chase you?" He turned his smile to me, his peppiness and all around happiness making me want to barf.

"I stole some girls' uniform. Those white ones are damn ugly," I mumbled, looking to the now bloody and torn black outfit. The man looked offended for a second, but got to say nothing more as yet another person rounded the corner. This time, he was wearing a white uniform. I sighed, rolling my eyes at the appearance of another vampire.

"Is everything alright, Yuki?" The brown haired boy spoke with such flow and so eloquently that I did a double take.

The boy had brown hair that framed his perfectly pale and gorgeous face. His reddish brown eyes were smiling with the one that played around on his lips. His lanky body was unusually tall, but his elegance made it so that he could pull that off.

As Yuki realized who it was, a deep blush hinted her cheeks.

"Yes, Kaname. Just a little misunderstanding," She smiled, turning from Zero to go to Kaname's side. Zero's eyes never once looked away from me, his purple ones permanently locked with my green ones.

"Zero, I think it is safe to say that you can put that thing away now," Kaname stated, looking to Zero with a hint of annoyance flitting across his features briefly. Zero rolled his eyes, lowering the gun so that it was now by his side. "So, Miss Nakajima, why did you decide to take a uniform?" Kaname turned to me, his eyes taking on a different tone completely. There was no shred of humanity in them, simply the vampire hidden beneath.

"Night Class uniforms are ugly, and that damn brainless girl wasn't gonna notice it until I got out. Then Yuki there had to go and hold everyone, making it impossible for me to go unnoticed," I growled towards Yuki, almost happy when she shrunk back, offended. I hissed against the pain again, the burning in my throat almost unbearable. If she didn't leave this instant, she literally was going to become my meal.

"Miss Nakajima, we do not drink the blood of humans on this campus. In fact, other than Yuki…and Zero here, they do not know of our existence. I would prefer it if first, you told me your name," Kaname didn't smile, didn't flinch when he spoke towards me. I locked eyes with him, making sure that I wasn't missing something.

His eyes… his simple demeanor had me wanting to bow before him in seconds. Our eyes locked and I could feel mine change to the familiar bright, vampire red as I watched his do the same. My hand dropped from my wound, the blood still flowing nevertheless.

"Jensen," I whispered, my trimmed, arched brows furrowing together in confusion and concentration. Beside him, Yuki had stiffened at the change in us. We were no longer talking to each other as humans, but as Vampires. Zero had stiffened as well, but his eyes drifted to the ground.

"Well, Jensen, how about you come back to the Night class dorms and we can get you all set up. I am sure that the other members of our class will be eager to meet you, but first let's get that nasty wound Zero gave you cleaned up," Kaname stepped closer to me, taking my hand without even asking. Normally, I would have flinched away from even the slightest of contacts, but with him, that seemed rude. It seemed like that would have been punishable by law if I so much as stepped wrong around him.

"Why the hell do you care about me? Don't you even want to know why I'm here?" I sneered at him, still determining how far he would go to keep his authority. He sighed, his eyes turning red again as he met my gaze fiercely.

"Because, Miss Nakajima, all the vampire students here are my responsibility," He didn't miss a beat with the answer, his authority and role in the academy all but dripping from him. I nodded, not wanting to argue anymore.

Whatever he said goes, I guess.

I followed him unwillingly, but the pain in my arm was killer, so I figured that it was my best option. I could feel everyone's eyes on us - me - as we walked through the halls and back to the nurse. The way they all looked at Kaname, the girls with lust in their eyes and the boys with either jealousy or respect, had me wondering even more about this guy. What was he really?

"Now, Miss Nakajima, there are many things that we need to establish before I even let you into that dormitory," Kaname turned on his heel, stopping me from entering the nurses office. I nearly crashed into his chest, then looking up to him with annoyance at his sudden stop.

"And what would those be, Mister Kuran?" I sneered up at him as I used his last name, hopefully in the most demeaning way possible. However, he didn't falter and didn't look disturbed at all.

"Have you ever drunk from a human?" Kaname asked without hesitation. The crowd around us couldn't hear, obviously. I laughed, throwing my head back at the action.

"Me? A human? I _am_ an aristocrat, after all. I hardly think that there is one who hasn't," I laughed again, not even bothering to keep my tone hushed. If he was willing to have this conversation here with everyone ogling at us, than I was willing to expose him.

"I hope you realize, Miss Nakajima, what you have just walked in on," Kaname spoke with a smirk, exposing his sharp fangs to my eyes only as his eyes flashed red for a second. He pushed past me, purposefully hitting my injured arm as he blew past.

_What the hell did he mean by that?_


	2. Prison Break

Chapter Two – Prison Break

"You seem to have done quite the number," The nurse commented as she bandaged my arm. I gave a curt nod, instead more interested in playing with my lip piercing. Anything was better then talking to Granny.

"Thanks," I mumbled, preparing to walk out o the overly bright and sunny room. She stopped me with a gnarled hand on my shoulder.

"Don't you want a new uniform?" she asked, not waiting for my answer as she handed me the stack of fabric. I nodded again, stepping away to the nearby bathroom.

I slipped into the uniform, not even putting the white dress shirt on. I let the jacket hug my frame and expose all the cleavage I had on my slight and bony body. I pulled the skirt just a tad higher then it should be, slipping the thigh-high socks on under my well-worn black combat boots. Rolling the sleeves up, I exposed my pale forearms.

As I turned to look in the mirror, I gave a heavy sigh. My right eyebrow piercing quirked as I studied my reflection.

Brown, mousy hair that barely scratched my shoulders with the exception of one, vibrant purple streak by my left ear. It reached my elbow, curling around it much to my dismay. My bangs were a glistening silver, covering most of my heavily eyeliner applied eyes. Another streak that was the same length as the rest of my hair was a vibrant red by my right ear.

Then there were the many piercings. My right eyebrow was pierced with a silver hoop, my left nostril a silver stud and yet another silver hoop on the right corner of my lower lip. All of these had been cause and effect of the past I was now running from.

Idly, my eyes scanned down my face, landing on my neck. I placed one hand over the skin there, my eyes closing in pain.

_"C'mon, Jen. Be brave,"_

My eye snapped open at the sound of his voice, causing me to pull the collar of the jacket closer around my neck. _Best not to look at if I can help it._

"Miss Hamilton, is Jensen Nakajima in here?" Another overly sweet voice sounded from outside the restroom. I rolled my eyes, stepping out in my modified uniform before Granny could answer.

"Ah, Jensen, please come with me," The man greeted, his blonde head bowing in respect. His green eyes held the rest of the polite smile that his lips could now.

"Why should I?" I blurted out, my foul mood finally catching up. He sighed, but his smile never left.

"Because Lord Kaname would really like to speak to you," He stepped closer, reaching out to me. I swatted his hand away with a harsh glare.

"Hmm… Also, you are a part of the Night Class, Jensen. No matter how much you despise that fact," He shrugged off my blunt rejection, simply eyeing me. Suddenly, he lunged and his arm was around my shoulders as he held me closer and walked out of the office.

"Hey, what do you –" I was cut off by a roar of some sort. I forgot his arm around me as my eyes scanned over a crowd of (what seemed to be) posses Day Class girls. He smiled, waving to them as they shot daggers at me.

"Why does she get to be so close to him?"

"Who is she, for that matter?"

"So he goes for that kind of girl?"

I readied myself to turn around and storm away, however he only pulled me closer, leaning down to whisper something in my ear.

"By the way, I'm Takuma Ichijou," He whispered with a sweet smile still on his face. My automatic reaction was to shoot my head up and look at him in confusion. My next move was to push his arm off of me and take off running. I could hear him sigh before he was running after me.

There was no way I was staying here. My parents could punish me all they saw fit, but I was not going to live here. There was just no way that I could be the aristocrat meant to be here.

"What are you doing Jen? Be brave,"

I stopped dead in my tracks as I reached the main gate. The silver haired boy was there again – Zero, right? – with his gun dangling by his side.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked, tapping two fingers on his gun. I rolled my eyes.

"Out. I'm not staying here," I growled, stepping forward as I readied to push him out of the way. It was then that Takuma caught up, stopping a few feet away from us.

"Jensen, you can't leave during the day. As it is, you will already be horribly burnt," Takuma warned, not saying about half the things I had expected of him.

"Who gives a shit about complexion?" I growled, whirling to face him instead. He was still completely calm and it was starting to piss me off.

"A model shoulder," Takuma stated, eyeing me with one raise eyebrow. My eyes hardened at that, knowing then that he had dug up information about me.

"How do you –"

"Know about it? Simple, your parents told us," Kaname's voice rang out from the shadows, walking out elegantly so we could all see him.

"Damn vampires," Zero muttered, shoving his gun away as he stormed off.

"My parents?" I stuttered, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that they might have actually cared when they sent me here.

"Yes, one Chiro and Miku Nakajima," Kaname nodded, stepping closer to Takuma and me. My hands clenched to fists as I eyed him.

"Don't you dare act like they cared! I know they never have and never will," I snarled, my eyes flashing red briefly.

_"Jen, don't be rude,"_

"They must have if they were willing to send you here," Kaname retorted, still a completely emotionless blank slate. There was no way I was going to be able to get a reading off of him.

"So… they actually talked to you?" I muttered, dropping my gaze to the ground.

"Yes, they did," Kaname nodded, a shred of reassurance in his voice. I let my hands go limp, my shoulders beginning to shake with my laughter.

"Like hell they did. Nice try though," I snorted, turning away from both vampires and placing one hand on the gate.

As soon as I did, the hairs on the back of my neck began to prickle. I tensed, only noticeable to me, and waited for the power to strike its' target. At the same moment, I took aim and whirled to face the vampires again as both powers struck home. Kaname's strike hit the stone wall not two inches from my head. My little shot hit a few inches from his shoulder, getting a glare out of him.

"I suggest you stay, Miss Nakajima," Kaname stated coldly, his eyes hard as he continued to stare at me.

"Why –"

"Do as he says, Jensen," Takuma warned, his eyes softer as he tried to at least gain my trust.

What the hell did this gut think he was? The academy was just that – an academy. As far as I could tell, we just took night classes and lived like normal humans.

"What is this place?" I muttered, looking away from both and to the ground. The mulch cracked under my weight, crunching under my boots.

"An academy," Kaname stated, shifting to stand elegantly in the shadows. His arms crossed behind his back, his white uniform almost glowed.

"Who…" I looked up, my green eyes meeting his burgundy ones, "Who are you?"

"The president of the Night dorms, Kaname Kuran," He stated, his eyes never showing emotion and his voice not so much as cracking.

He was a mystery, something hard to read. He was blank, just another man standing by the trees. But then there was the elegance about him. He had prowess – power – that no one else could have.

"You're a pureblood, then?" I stated, though it came out as more of a question.

"You have great deduction skills," A drop of sarcasm fled into his voice, just barely there.

I sighed, leaning back against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest. Looking back to Takuma, I could see that he could feel the tension as much as I could. I could see that he was starting to watch us, see what our body language was really communicating.

I could tell that he was catching on.


	3. Keep Your Family Close

Chapter Three – Keep Your Family Close

"Everyone, this is Jensen Nakajima. She will be joining us this year," Kaname delivered smoothly with his hand delicately gesturing towards me.

"Why is she wearing that uniform?" A snotty voice sounded from the stairs. I glared up to see a strawberry blonde smirking my direction. I simply threw her a glare, knowing I was already on thin ice with Kaname.

"Ruka, attempt to be nice," Kaname commented, watching as she tensed.

"Whatever," She hissed. I hated her.

"Well, it is very nice to meet you," another blonde bowed elegantly a few feet away from me, sweeping his arm over his head. I smiled slyly as he took my hand in his own.

"The pleasure is all mine," I played along, smirking when he placed a kiss to my fingers, straightening elegantly.

"Aidou Hanabusa," He smiled, winking one blue eye at me. I pulled away as others came to greet me. Senri, Akatsuki and Rima all seemed fairly nice, along with Takuma and Aidou. Ruka and Kaname seemed distant, cold and… bordering on rude. Then there was the rumored Seiren, but Kaname simply said that she would be around.

"I'll show you to your room, if you'd like," Aidou offered, sticking his hand out for me again. I rubbed one hand across my neck, eyeing him a bit warily.

"Whoa, how'd you do that?" Rima asked, her interest perking. I looked to her, confused for a second before remembering my tattoo.

It ran from the edge of each hip up over all my back and curled around my neck and collarbone. Its tribal design might have been meaningless to someone else, but to me every dark swirl meant something.

"Um, well –"

"Great, so she's a rebel too?" Ruka smirked, still glaring to me from the stairway. I clenched my hands into fists, walking over to where she stood.

"What the hell's your issue?" I hissed, glaring to her with venom. For a second, fear flitted across her eyes.

"My problem? Weren't you the one who tried to run away from the academy?" She was almost laughing as she spoke.

"What does that have to do with a slut like yourself?" I sneered, only stopping when Takuma placed a hand on both of our shoulders.

"All right, that's enough. Ruka, go," He glared to her, putting a little authority into his voice. She huffed, holding her head high as she matched off down the hall.

"So how did you do it?" Rima asked, still looking as bored as ever. I looked to her with a million memories crashing around in my head.

Him. That was the why, but not the how. The why was because he was all I had left in this world, if that even meant only his memory. He was what powered me to keep going, even if that was just his ghost-spirit, holy-powers-whatever you prefer.

The how was that I drugged my parents.

"I'm not the most obedient child there has ever been," I replied dryly before continuing up the stairs. Takuma followed, soon taking the head when he understood that I wanted to go to my room.

We walked down – thankfully – the opposite hall of Ruka's room. Soon, Takuma opened a set of regal doors and exposed a matching regal room.

As I stood in the doorway, to my left was a huge walk-in closet with an equally huge bathroom on a wall shorter than the rest in the room. To my right was a wall completely constructed of arched windows with dark black curtains. Centered in the middle was an easily king-sized bed that had dark purple satin sheets on it. Off to the side along a slanted wall was a desk that had two filled dark wood book shelved on either side. On the last remaining straight wall, which was covered in windows as well, was a small sitting area for two.

"Make yourself at home," Takuma smiled before shutting the doors behind him. I moved to wave, but he was gone before I could. I turned back to the room, noticing a simple slip of paper on a pillow. Stepping closer, I ran my fingers over the length of the silk sheets before snatching the note.

_**How do you like the academy, sister dearest?**_

_**- S**_

I growled, crumpling the paper in my fingers, stuffing it into my pocket. I fell down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I seethed with anger.

How the hell did she know about this? How could she know about this? She was gone, dead, maybe even her body was disintegrated. I didn't care what the hell happened to her but the point was that she was out of my life.

_ - Sister Dearest – _

Or at least I hoped she was.

I woke up knowing they had let me sleep longer than I should have. I glanced to the clock and saw it was already midnight, according to the bright green numbers. Not sure if I should feel ticked off or gratefully, I slid out of bed and wandered outside. I'd find the classroom eventually, right?

I opened the doors and stepped out of the night dorms, walking quietly down the stone path. My head angled to be looking at the ground, I watched as my foot hit each step. My hand was clenched around the paper in my pocket.

_Sister, yeah, like she would ever admit to being related to me. There was no way she would sink that low. Never._

My pace picked up, a reaction to my angered thoughts. I was well aware of the fact that I had no idea where I was going. Now I was simply walking wherever my anger took me.

_She's manipulated so much of my life. She was just a jealous sister. Jealous of me and – _

"What are you doing out of class?" Zero fell gracefully from a tree in front of me, causing my head to snap up.

"Oh, you again," I grumbled, rolling my eyes. Seconds later, there was a gun pointed to my already injured shoulder. I looked up – noting that we were a foot apart in height – with a sharp glare.

"Why are you out of class?" He asked again, this time just a bit more venom in his voice. Normally, I would have backed down and given up by now. But there was something… familiar about messing with Zero.

"I don't see how it's any of your business," I replied coolly with a shrug of my shoulders. He pressed his gun a bit harder to my sensitive skin. I gasped, my glare hardening.

"It's my business because I'm a vampire slayer –" he stressed that word "- and because I already shot you once. What makes you think I won't do it again?" He sneered the last question, the threat happily dancing in his eyes. I sighed, pressing two fingers to his gun as I eyed the metal with interest.

_He's different. He'll put up a fight if I drink his blood._

Moving closer, I pressed my body flush against his and eyed him seductively. I pushed his gun away from my shoulder, my good arm reaching up to curl around his neck. Pulling him closer, my eyes flashed red.

"Dear slayer, you really think I'll hesitate to break this academies idiotic rule?" I hissed, watching him carefully as a hint of fear gradually registered in his violet eyes.

Violet eyes. Suddenly my thoughts drifted to him for a second, longing and depression setting into my soul. For a second it wasn't Zero standing in front of me.

"Jensen, let him go," A very familiar voice chimed behind me. I groaned, sinking back to my normal height and pushing Zero away.

"Ugh, you ruin all the fun, Kaname," I sneered, mentally laughing at the fact I was already so disrespectful to him. Must just be in my nature.

"Zero, you can go," Kanem dismissed, his burgundy eyes boring holes into my body. Zero chuckled, his gun clenched tightly in his hand.

"Like hell I am. What's going on here?" He glared to us both, his eyes scanning me with confusion. Kaname sighed, stepping forward and pulling me closer. His hands were on either side if my waist as I grabbed his arms with intended ferocity. His right hand dug into my left pocket, causing a lump to form in my throat.

_He knows, god! He knows! He's going to tell them, or use it against me!_

_He knows_

_ He knows_

_ He knows!_

He pried my right hand off of his arm, curling his fingers around mind as the paper landed in my palm. He leaned in, his lips brushing my neck as he prepared to whisper in my ear.

"Keep your family close, Jensen," He whispered this in such a tone that made my skin want to crawl.

He knows, he knows, he god-damn-it-knows!

"If you two have a thing going on, I'll leave ya to it," Zero practically gagged, causing me to lurch away violently.

He knows.


	4. Disciplinary Committee

Chapter Four – Disciplinary Committee

I flopped down on my bed, arms lazily outstretched at my sides.

_He knows, he knows, he knows, god damn him! He'll do something, use it against me somehow. He'll do something._

I kept trying to tell myself that I was overreacting, that this had just been a long day. I kept saying that tomorrow – when I went to classes – everything would be all right. But then I told myself that those thoughts were all a lie. I knew I was lying to myself, but that was the point of having no one there to comfort you.

"_Now what's wrong, little sis?"_

I could just picture her saying that. She's sneer the words, make them more demeaning then they were. She'd make me want to crawl away in tears.

I'd always known she hated me. I knew it from my very first breath. It was that whole jealousy thing gone horribly, horribly wrong. She took it to extremes that even I found astonishing. Now… now she was back. She was coming out of the stonework to torment me some more. She was going to make my life even more of a living hell.

Suddenly a loud buzzing in my ear had me snapping out of bed. One look to my clock told me that I'd slept all day. I sighed; heaving myself over to the bathroom to study the damage all the sun had done me. All in all, my hair was the worst. My make-up had long since become atrocious, so I attempted to fix both.

"Jensen, you in there?" A simple knock to the door as Aido's voice rang out into my room. Confused, I moved to the door to investigate. I pulled it open as he stumbled on top of me. We both fell back on the ground, his body crushing mine before I could react.

"Aido!" I shouted, pushing him off of me as I snapped to my feet. He stood as well, a slight pink shading his cheeks as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Jensen! But if we don't hurry, we'll be late for class!" without, obviously, thinking his actions through, he snatched my arm and towed me out the door.

"Aido! I got shot!" I hissed. His hand fell sharply to his side, instead pulling me along the way by my book bag strap. I sighed but let him pull me along until we reached the doors. Ruka cast me a nasty glare as I simply smiled and waved. Aido chuckled, pulled me over to Takuma with a smile. They started to talk while I stood uncomfortably by them. Casually, I glanced over my shoulder to Ruka and Kaname.

She was still watching me with a hateful glare, but Kaname seemed eerily calm. His eyes suggested he was threatening me silently. Already I knew better then to challenge his threats – silent or otherwise.

"Hey, Jensen, you all right?" Aido asked, gently tapping me on the shoulder. I let my eyes flit back to him, realizing I had been staring at Kaname in a daze.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, my voice flustered and hesitant. I knew they didn't believe me, but somehow cheap excuses were just my thing.

"Well, let's go. First day of class is going to be fun, right?" Aido smiled, obviously blowing off my distant mood. He patted me gently on the shoulder, getting another wince out of me.

"Right, fun." I mumbled as he dragged me out the doors with him. A horrendous roar greeted my ears as we stepped out into the sunset. I gasped, looking to Aido with confusion.

"What the hell is that?" I asked, the first image to cross my mind a pen of wild animals being herded.

We walked out the doors to a sea of black-clad Day class students. My immediate thought was to duck back inside before I got mauled.

"That," Aido stated rather hesitantly, "is a crowd of Day class students," He chuckled as I shuddered, continuing to study the crowd.

As I looked around, I could make out Yuki trying to contain the right side of the crowd. I sighed, trying to decide if I should go apologize or just keep walking. My eyes shifted away as Kaname neared her. I silently wondered if she knew what an ass he was.

"Yuki, keep an eye on the crowd," Zero warned over his shoulder to the distracted teen. Flustered, she stood straight and started to shove people back.

"R-Right!" She shouted back, nodding sharply. I sighed, looking to Zero then. His side of the crowd was oddly controlled, but I knew it was only from his sharp, violet-eyed glare.

"C'mon, Jen, stop staring. You know it's rude,"

My eyes snapped back to the front as I tried to shake that memory off. This was not the time to remember –

"Oh, just come on and get it over with babe,"

"_But you don't understand –"_

"_It's rude to stare. I bet he'll feel loads better after you punch him in the face,"_

"_I'm not going to randomly punch a guy because he was "staring" at me,"_

"_Do you want me to do it?"_

"_Gosh, you're so violent,"_

"_But that's what you love about me,"_

"_Hmm, let me think about that one…"_

"_Okay, now that was just rude,"_

My mind snapped back to the present as I found myself seated beside Aido in a rather large classroom. The teacher was rambling on about economics or some such nonsense. I felt no reason to participate or pay attention. Maybe I would learn something, but then again, I never was a very good student.

"Miss Nakajima, you will be paired with Miss Ruka," The teacher chimed, snapping me out of my peaceful thoughts. I groaned under my breath, mentally cursing the fact that I had no idea what the project was about or what our partnership entailed.

"Hey, Nakajima. You better not screw this project up for us," Ruka chimed up from across the classroom. I sighed, looking over my shoulder at her.

"And what makes you think it'll be me who screws it up?" I retorted, again cursing myself for not paying attention.

"The fact that you were basically sleeping this whole period," Ruka snorted, a small group of other students joining in on her laughter. I clenched my hands into fists, getting up to cross the room.

_"Just come on and get it over with, babe,"_

"Look, I don't know who shoved a pole up your ass, but I'd be more than willing to shove it the rest of the way up your skull," I was inches from her, my eyes glowing red. "Leave me the hell alone," I growled, throwing my right arm forward and smirking as it connected with her plastic surgery nose.

_"See, I told you it would feel better,"_

* * *

"Can you tell me why you punched a fellow student on your second day?" Headmaster Cross asked, looking to me over the brim of his glasses. I sighed, folding my arms over my chest.

"Cause she's a bitch," I replied, not bothering to filter out the profanity. At first he appeared to be shocked that I would cuss. Then his expression shifted back to disapproving.

"You'll get three days of Disciplinary Committee duty," He stated, obviously expecting me to throw a fit. I simply shrugged, totally nonchalant. Staying up all night was my habit anyway, so why should it –

"And you'll be partnered with Zero," I felt my jaw hit the floor right as the door slammed shut.

"What?" I felt myself say as another voice joined mine. I whirled around in my seat, meeting eyes with an equally shocked Zero.

"You can't seriously mean that," Zero stated as his eyes flitted away to the Headmaster.

"Well you two seem to get along so well," He started to say, but we both cut him off.

"I don't even know him/her!" We shouted, our endings each different. I lurched out of my seat, standing with my hands in fists as my side. Zero was beside me, his position nearly exactly the same. I idly noticed he was a good foot taller than me. I wondered how good he would do in a fight without his gun.

"Well, then this is the perfect time to get acquainted," Headmaster stated with a wide smile on his face.

The next thing I knew, Zero had his gun pressed to Cross' temple.

"Call me father!"


	5. Barely Know You

Chapter Five – Barely Know You

I sighed, leaning against a tree with my arms crossed over my chest. Zero was standing a few feet away, eyeing me almost evilly.

"Look, I didn't want this any more then you did," I finally muttered out, my eyes drifting away. He reminded me too much of my past; something I did not want to deal with anymore. Or at all.

"What'd you do to piss the Headmaster off so much?" He replied, his hands jamming into his pockets.

"Punched Ruka," I stated, not shy to show my pride at doing so. I heard him scoff before he gestured for me to follow him.

We walked the perimeter of the Academy, silence forming a thick wall between us. Some part of me was uncomfortable with that, but the larger part of me wanted to seal my lips shut. I knew he wasn't exactly social, and I had no urge to start either.

"Zero, Jensen!" Both our head snapped to the roof of the school. Yuki waved eagerly, a giant smile on her face. Zero waved back slightly, so I did the same.

"Why are you up there, Yuki?" Zero called, looking a little confused. Yuki put her hands on her hips, almost pouting.

"Do you know how many girls try to sneak out of their windows?" Yuki called back, her tone scolding him.

They set to arguing, both completely oblivious to a par of students crawling out a window. I sighed, walking over to them and standing right in their path.

"Going somewhere, boys?" I asked, containing my laughter as they nearly jumped out of their skin. They turned to me, their eyes bugging out of their heads as they realized who I was.

"Y-You're a Night class student," One boy blubbered out. I moved closer, my eyes glowing red. I pressed my body close to both of them, sticking my head between theirs.

"I would run, now, if I were you," I hissed, watching as they tore back to their dorms.

I rounded the corner of the building with a fierce burn in my throat. Zero and Yuki had stopped arguing, watching me walk back out.

"You guys really suck at your job," I muttered. I walked over to Zero and reached into his pocket quickly. I came back out with a pack of blood tablets, snatching one and throwing the box back to him. He caught it, looking to me in complete shock.

"What? You thought I couldn't tell?" I asked, popping the tablet in my mouth. Zero watched me, still in shock as Yuki made an excuse to leave.

"How could you have possibly known?" He growled, stuffing the box back into his pocket.

"It's easy to smell blood tablets. Also, the first day you chased me, no human could have run that fast," I shrugged it off like it was no big deal.

"You don't care I'm going to turn to a Level E?" He asked, still completely shocked by my actions. I sighed, letting the dissolving tablet run down my throat. Not nearly the same as a human.

"Why should I? It looks like you and Yuki have it under control," I stated, walking past him to continue our rounds. He followed me, his feet dragging as he tried to process all of this.

"Plus which," I turned to face him, placing a hand on his chest, "I barely know you."

I could tell Zero was getting tired of me. The second day of duty and I had already managed to piss him off. I found that as both a new personal record and something to probably be ashamed of.

"Jensen, you take the courtyard tonight," He mumbled out his orders, getting a distant nod from me.

"I'm sorry, Zero," I blurted out as I started to walk away.

"For what?" He called after me, confusion clearly in his voice.

"For whatever I did to piss you off," I replied before dashing around the corner.

I sucked at apologies. I hated to admit mistakes, more so mistakes I wasn't sure I had made. Apologizing to Zero just made me feel weak. I hated it.

If he were here, he'd be saying that I did the right thing. Then he'd have said I should have punched Zero. He would have smiled when he said it, but the protective threat would still have been there.

Idly, my hand moved to my neck. My fingers traced across my tattoo, frown lines forming on my face. I rubbed the skin there, a shiver running down my spine.

I missed him. I really did, and now it just seemed more prominent. He seemed more absent when I put my mind to it. When I thought about him… us… I saw everything that was missing in my life now.

I saw love, adoration, adventure and mischief. I saw care and just enough banter to produce comedy. Most of all, I remembered the day we met.

"_Can I buy you a cup of coffee, Miss?" His voice rang out, my eyes scanning him over as he came to sit right next to me. I let a small smile creep over my lips, noticing first his odd color of hair._

"_And how do I know that you only want coffee?" I asked, tapping my fingers along the back of the bench. He chuckled lowly, pale features stretching perfectly._

"_Trust me, you'd know if I wanted more," He replied, his smile reaching all the way to his eyes. It seemed contagious and soon I was smiling along with him._

"_I barely know you," I smiled, winking casually toward the end of the sentence._

"You may barely know me," Zero called from behind me. I whirled on my heel, staring at him in shock as he dashed to my side, "But you don't need to apologize. I hate it when people do that," He muttered, his violet eyes scanning mine as I let out a barely audible gasp.

"_You may barely know me," He stated, leaning forward on one elbow. He returned the wink, his other hand casually placing itself on my knee, "But I hate it when a pretty girl turns down a drink."_

I stared wide-eyed at Zero for a moment, then blinking in shock.

"R-Right. I'm –"

"Don't you dare say sorry. It's me who should be apologizing. I'm in a bad mood and I made the mistake of taking it out on you," He mumbled, looking none too pleased that he had to admit his mistake. I started to laugh, getting a perplexed look out of him.

"Seems we have that in common, then," I smirked, giving a playful slap to his arm. I then saw a miracle:

Zero smiled.

"C'mon, Yuki will probably start wondering where we are," He stated, taking me by the arm and leading me with him.

"I thought you said I had to –"

"Buddy system, right?" He joked.

"We barely know each other," I pointed out, getting a smirk out of him. He moved his grip so that we were now holding hands, getting a slight blush to appear on my cheeks.

"Then this is the perfect time to get acquainted," He mocked the Headmaster almost perfectly.

I had no choice but to laugh for the first time in ages.


	6. New Girl

Chapter Six – New Girl

_"I'm surprised, Jensen," An ominous voice sounded nearby. I could feel the skin at the back of my neck begin to crawl, a shiver running down my spine. I turned frantically in the dark, desperately trying to find the source._

"_Who are you?" I called out insecurely, still searching the dark. There was nothing but instability and lies to be seen, nothing but darkness to be found. Uncertainty and misjudgment were the key ingredients here._

"_I thought you would have begun to piece things together by now," The voice growled out, a feminine quality now evident._

"_What are you talking about?" I shouted, spinning around in the darkness._

_There's no one here. This is just going to be some nightmare – _

"_Hiya, Cousin Jensen," A small, silver-haired girl waved eagerly._

I felt the scream leave my mouth as I flew forward in bed. I clutched at the sheets, a fine sheen of sweat clinging to my body.

"Jensen?" Aido's worried voice sounded from my door. I felt my eyes flit to it, even felt my mouth open, but no words could be formed. My mouth felt like jello; numb and immobile.

Aido opened the door to see me curled in a ball against my headboard. He moved to come closer, but suddenly I could find my voice.

"Leave me alone!" I hissed past the tears. He looked to me in shock, making no move to leave. I closed my eyes and pulled my legs closer to my chest. My shoulders shook and then there was an arm wrapped protectively around me.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jensen," Aido muttered as he held me against his chest. I felt the tears flow harder, causing me to bury my head against him.

"W-What do you care?" I blubbered out. I could hear him sigh, wondering then if I had said something wrong.

"Well, I'm certainly not going to let you wallow by yourself," He said in a rather light tone. He moved away from the headboard, positioning us so that we were laying down. I was on my side curled up against him as he had his arms wrapped securely around me.

"Didn't know –" I sobbed harder "- you cared," I blubbered.

"Of course I do," He muttered, pulling me closer into a comforting hug.

I glanced over his shoulder to see that the clock read noon. I buried my head closer to Aido, closing my eyes in hopes of sleeping.

"Thank you, Aido," I whispered.

* * *

I woke up and noticed Aido was gone. At first I didn't mind. I knew he didn't want any of the others to get suspicious. I sort of fell out of bed, walking to the bathroom with limbs as stiff as wood.

Looking in the mirror, I could see that I had major work to do. My hair was practically a haystack, piled on my head in knots. My face was the evidence that I had been crying, forgotten-to-be-taken-off make-up smeared down my cheeks.

I glanced to the small, countertop digital clock and decided I might as well take a shower before I had to go to committee duty.

The warm water encased my body, relieving every tense muscle there was. I ran the warm water over every inch of my body, sticking my face under it in hopes of washing away the evidence of tears. Right as the perfect amount of steam was filling the room, the perfect amount of heat sinking into my body, someone decided it would be a bright idea to ruin my solitude.

"Jensen, you in here?" Aido called, causing me to drop a bottle of shampoo out of my hands.

"Aido? What are you doing back here?" I shouted over the roar of the shower, bending to get the bottle of shampoo.

"Well, I wanted to make sure you were okay," He stated, his voice closer to the bathroom door now.

"Stay here, I'll be out in a few minutes," I called, rushing through the rest of my shower routines. I stepped out, shook my head once to dry and loosen my hair, and then wrapped myself in a towel. I smirked to myself as I stepped out of the bathroom – in just a towel.

"Whoa, Jensen –" Aido gasped, almost reluctantly placing his hand over his eyes. I laughed as I could see him study my tattoo, shaking the towel down a bit lower to show my whole back to him. His face flushed a bright, tomato red.

"Aido, it's no big deal. I'm not shy," I explained, turning my very exposed back to him. I dropped the towel, quickly slipping into my uniform. Aido's jaw never left the floor.

"R-Right," He stuttered, looking away with hesitant eyes. I laughed, sitting on the edge of my bed and brushing through my hair.

"Aido, thank you for last night," I cast him a smile, patting the bed next to me for him to come and sit. He did so, playfully punching – thankfully – my good arm.

"No problem. I wouldn't do that for just anyone," He laughed as I nudged him back. We both laughed as we started to wrestle, ending – somehow – with me under him on the floor. I gasped as he moved forward turning my face away from him.

"Aido, could you please get off?" I asked, my voice light and hesitant. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt him.

"Sorry, I –"

"Don't apologize," I muttered, planting a soft peck on his cheek. I pulled out from under him, grabbing my Disciplinary Committee arm band off of the nightstand.

"Jensen –"

"Aido, I told you it was fine. This is one of those "it's not you, it's me" moments. All right?" I eyed him gently, trying to make my words sting as little as possible. I knew that was unlikely, but I didn't want to see him hurt. I didn't want to cause him to hurt.

"Right," He gave me a lopsided smile, joining me to walk down the hall. "We have new students today," He offered, starting up a conversation. I nodded, knowing he meant to imply I should make some friends.

"That's good, I think," I joked, letting my loner trait show through.

"Lord Kaname wants you to meet them before you go on duty," Aido stated, cringing as if I was going to hit him. I laughed, patting him on the shoulder.

"All –" I started to talk before I was slammed to the ground. I gasped, looking up to see a blonde, curly haired wide-eyed girl staring down at me. Her bright, emerald green eyes stared at me, her child-like, china doll face beaming.

"Hi! I'm Asuka Ichijou!" She exclaimed, her smile widening if at all possible. I looked to her in complete perplexion.

"Wh-What are you doing? Get off of me," I hissed, pushing the girl off of me. I stood, almost evil eyeing her as I silently studied her appearance.

She was wearing a white Night Class uniform, her glowing blonde curls in poofy pigtails tied with white bows. Her uniform was modified, allowing her to have put layers of lace under her skirt and make it into an almost tutu. Her stockings where whit thigh highs with black lace bows at the top. She also had on black heels that were easily six inches high.

"Did I do something wrong?" She pouted, flitting to Aido's side as if he could answer. He eyed her skeptically, still unsure what to think.

"No, she's normally like that," He muttered, getting a playful slap from me. He chuckled, watching as I left.

I pulled open the door, only to be pulled back once again. I turned around, a glare on my face only to have it wiped clean by shock.

"Hiya, Cousin Jensen," A silver-haired girl chimed, waving one pale hand at me.


	7. Midnight Snack

Chapter Seven – Midnight Snack

Kaname happened to be entering the room right as the silver girl had introduced herself to me. I glared to him, marching over and pulling him into a side hallway.

"Why the hell is she here?" I growled, glaring up at him.

"I figure you would want some family here," He delivered calmly. My hands clenched to fists and I had to refrain from punching him straight in the jaw.

"You what? Do you not understand the fact that I hate all of my family?" I shouted at him, aware of the fact that the others had left by now. For once I was grateful no one could hear me.

"I told you to keep them close, didn't I?" He gestured, still the perfect façade of calm.

"Wait, how do you even know about her? Or who I am?" I questioned, glaring even harder. He seemed to smirk, but somehow his mask stayed in place.

"It isn't that hard to piece things together when you are the head of this class," He stated, seeming rather confident. He suddenly reached to the top of my head and pulled on a single hair. "Is that a grey hair I see?" He walked away before I could react.

I first thought he was playing some sick practical joke on me. Then I realize he would never joke – not ever. I ran to the nearest mirror, scouring my head for the single hair he could be talking about.

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. I gasped, tucking it under the rest in a desperate attempt to cover it.

"Hey, Jensen! You in there?" Zero's voice rang out into the dorms, causing me to jump. I quickly shuffled my hair around, trying to make it look as natural as possible and still keep the hair hidden.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" I shouted back, walking down the hallway for my third day of Disciplinary duty.

Somehow I was going to miss skipping class.

"Well, Miss Nakajima, you are finally able to go back to class," Headmaster Cross stated with a grin almost too wide for his face. I nodded by otherwise said nothing. "Well, aren't you thrilled?" He asked, his voice shooting up an octave.

"Mm," I hummed, my thoughts overtaking anything I heard or said. He caught onto this and came to stand next to me.

"What's the matter?" His voice lost its' normal excitement, that alone enough to make me look to him in shock.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my green eyes scanning him with perplexity.

"Don't do that. What's wrong?" He avoided my question, glassed eyes holding silent comfort and concern.

"You know, don't you?" I asked, letting assumption take over the majority of that sentence. He sunk his head, looking to the floor as he leaned back against his desk.

"Yes, I know about your family. And what happened," He stated. I glared to him, not satisfied with his answer.

"Not what I meant. You know who my sister is, don't you?" My voice held all the hatred I could muster; 17 years of evil enough to cause it.

"Yes, I know your relation to Shizuka Hio," He stated with a single nod of his head.

"Thank you, Headmaster," I muttered as I stood briskly and walked out of his office.

They all knew and none of them had the decency to tell me. They all let me think that I was just a normal aristocrat. They let me feel useless and naïve.

Now I knew that Kaname was playing me. He had brought Maria here for a reason and it was not for a family reunion. Whatever plan he had… I had to play along. I had to make sure he thought I was still moldable and naïve.

And that meant I had to make friends with my cousin. Maria and I got along, sure, but we were never very close. That meant I actually had to be… friendly. I cringed.

"Hey, so did Cross let you go?" Zero was suddenly beside me, curious violet eyes scanning mine. I jumped, slightly at his appearance, then crossing my arms over my chest.

"Someone could sue you for being such a creeper," I joked, getting a playful shove out of him.

"So, did he?" Zero continued to press on the subject, shocking me with the level of concern he was showing.

"No, I killed him and walked out of there after a healthy midnight snack," I stated with sarcasm dripping from my voice. He half-glared to me, studying for any signs of blood.

"You better hope you're joking," He stated with a harsh glare my way. At first, I wanted to smack him for thinking that I would do such a thing. Then I felt my smile grow wider as an evil glint found my eyes.

"Maybe you want to go back and check," I hinted with a nudge of my elbow. I laughed as he eyed me warily before turning on his heels. I followed him, eager to see his reaction. I had to struggle to keep the smile off my face as we rushed into the building again. What we saw even caught me off guard.

"Headmaster?" Zero stuttered, moving forward to poke the unconscious man with the butt of his gun.

Headmaster Cross was sprawled out on the ground, eyes closed in a pained looking expression. Somehow I knew that in a cartoon-universe, there would be birds spinning around his head.

"Headmaster?" Zero asked, giving another nudge. He leaned in, looking as if he was battling inside for a second. "F-Father?"

Suddenly the man was no longer on the ground but had enveloped Zero into a breathtaking bear hug.

"_You called me father!"_ He shouted at the top of his lungs before Zero could pull free. I started laughing uncontrollably, Zero changing his glare to me as I doubled over.

"That was not funny, Jensen!" He shouted, lunging for me as I ran laughing from the room.

"Hell yeah it was!" I shouted back, laughing harder as he started to chase me outside. I heard his rare baritone laugh fill the air with mind as we ran deeper into the darkened forest. Soon, he caught me. I was whirled around and pinned against a tree.

I gasped inaudibly as our faces landed inches apart. His panting breath fogged my mind, the atmosphere changing from playful to totally romantic.

"Z-Zero –" I was cut off as memories cascaded my mind.

"I-Ichiru –"

"_Shh, no one will see us," He leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek. His lips lingered on my skin, trailing down to capture my lips with his own._

"_Hmm, oh lowly gardener gets to sneak around, does he?" I laughed as I arched my neck back to give him better access. He chuckled deeply, pushing me closer to the tree with a gyration of our hips. We both moaned, eagerly kissing again._

"_Oh lowly gardener boy simply wants a midnight snack," He whispered, nipping my neck harshly._

"_Hmm," I hummed, losing myself to him again._

"Jensen," Zero's voice snapped me out of my reverie, making me realize yet again our situation. I looked up into his eyes, feeling them widen in shock as his lips gently touched mine. I pushed gently on his chest, looking down and away from what I could only predict to be heartbroken violet eyes.

Violet eyes.

"I-I can't," I blubbered, tears finding my eyes as I broke free from his grasp and took off running.

Just not yet.


	8. Nightmares Vs Reality

Chapter Eight – Nightmares Vs. Reality

_"Jen, you need to calm down,"_

His voice was in my head again. He was there again, telling me how to live my life.

_"No, telling you how to get over this,"_

He never shut up. He was always there – always talking. He had something to say about everything.

_"Can you blame me fore wanting to be a part of your memories?"_

Memories were everywhere. I was trying to run but they just kept following. I was trying to hide – but they were masters of hide-and-seek. I wanted to run, but my life was the nightmare that you never out run.

"_Jen, you need to calm down," He whispered, pulling me closer as I buried my head into the crook of his neck._

"_How am I supposed to 'calm down'?" I hissed, pulling away to stare at him fiercely. He sighed, rubbing his thumbs affectionately over my cheeks as he wiped away my tears._

"_You need to think rationally. Just calm down and everything will be all right," He let a reassuring smile find his lips._

"_They want me to leave you! They want me to give up what we have!" I shouted, the tears starting again as I pulled him back into a hug and wept. His arms wrapped around me tightly, holding me safe in our little world._

"_Jen, I don't want this. Not at all. But some part of you must care about your parents," He stroked my hair – then longer – down my back as he placed one hand on my waist and kissed the top of my head._

"_Are you going to tell me what to do?" I asked helplessly. He hummed, stopping his actions and simply holding me._

"_No, telling you how to get over this, though, is a start," He muttered, his voice now showing the depression. He pushed me away, tenderly cupping my face. "Can you blame me for wanting to be a part of your memories?_

"No, I can't. I really, really can't," I muttered aloud, finally being forced to look at my surroundings. I had somehow managed to wander towards the gates again. I studied the stone, my hands trembling as they came to wipe away the tears and smeared make up.

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Out,"_

"_You cannot leave during the day,"_

I let out a frustrated cry as Zero and Takuma made their way into my head. I fell to the ground, my back against the stone as I wrapped my arms around my knees and somehow ended up in a fetal position.

Why was I thinking like this? Why was this happening to me? I tried to run from my past but only succeeded in getting closer. I only made it worse.

"Cousin Jensen, is that you?" Maria's small voice rang out into the silent night, rustling leaves signaling her approach. I felt my head snap up, watching as she and her bodyguard moved closer. I could hear the bodyguard gasp and saw his mouth form a small "o".

"What are you doing out here, Maria?" I sneered the words, wiping furiously at my eyes. I didn't need to be near her right now. Lord knows Kaname wanted that. I wasn't going to cave. Not for him.

"Well, I was just going for a walk with my bodyguard, but then we saw you," she moved closer as she spoke, looking to me with concern in her wide, childish eyes.

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I would really rather be alone right now," I hissed, curling my knees closer to my chest. I averted my eyes, hiding behind my bangs. She sighed, moving to sit next to me.

"You know moping around never solves anything," She whispered, placing one hand on top of mine. I lurched away, watching as her eyes widened in hurt.

"I told you, I don't want to talk," I hissed, rubbing my wrist subconsciously. The bell necklace had transformed to a bracelet over the years, and somehow I felt she would hate it. I felt that she would somehow know what it meant to me – know more then she let on.

"I think you should. I won't pester you, though," She stated, shocking transforming to sympathy.

"Maria, we should be getting back," The bodyguard spoke, shocking my ears. I looked to him, teary eyes analyzing his appearance. Somehow, his soft tenor voice sounded familiar.

"Jensen, though you might not want to talk, I insist you walk back with me – us," She corrected, gesturing with one hand to herself and the man. Without knowing, I nodded slightly and rose robotically to my feet. She placed one hand on my elbow, but I shied away. Unconsciously, I ended up nearer the man then her. She sighed, giving a signal to him silently. He took my elbow, then, and I think we were both shocked when I didn't lurch away.

We walked back to the dorms as if we were some depressed procession. My face was the most somber, but the man's masked face almost seemed to match. I noted that Maria seemed more contemplative then anything else.

As we neared the building, I was suddenly aware of eyes watching me. I looked up, suddenly dizzy as I looked to something other than my feet. I looked up to see with bleary, half-dead eyes, Kaname staring out the windows at me. Beside him, Aido could be seen with a nervous expression, clearly having been told not to greet me.

"You know you can talk to me, if you wish," Maria stated, turning to look to me with sincere eyes.

"Yeah," I mumbled, not looking to her but holding my gaze with Aido. Silently I pleaded that he would disobey Kaname's orders – just this once, for me.

"You aren't listening to me, are you?" Maria asked in a miffed tone of voice.

"Yeah," I muttered in the same tone I had used moments before. I started to walk away, startled when the man caught me by the wrist. He curled his index finger around the silver chain of my bracelet, causing me to look into his masked eyes.

"You should calm down," He whispered, his finger tracing a simple pattern over my pale wrist.

I thought I could feel my heart pound out of my chest. I thought that, for a split second, I could feel all my terror and confusion double.

_He had violet eyes_.

"Come on, then," Maria stated, pulling her bodyguard away. His hand slipped from my wrist, out eyes never breaking contact.

I turned on my heel at last, walking as if in a stupor. I didn't hear, see, feel. I was numb, walking along the same path that my past did.

I was walking straight into his plotted trap.

* * *

"Don't get too close to her, Ichiru," Maria warned, casting him a wary glance. He did not meet her eyes, simply kept his gaze on the oak door as his hand rest on the knob.

"Yes, Maria," He whispered, his eyes hollow with the past. Maria sighed, moving to his side as she snagged his face in her small hand.

"You will not screw this up for me, Ichiru," She hissed, pulling him down to meet her intimidating stare. He didn't resist, but his eyes remained unphased.

"Yes, Shizuka," He mumbled, his hand falling from the doorknob. He turned away, weakly tossing his mask onto the couch as his silver hair tumbled loose.

"I do nothing but your bidding."


	9. Praying To A God That I Don't Believe In

Chapter Nine – Just Praying To a God That I Don't Believe In

Was there a way to hide from eyes that watch you everywhere? Was there a way to hide from the shadows that only the sun could produce? Was there a way to run in the nightmare that had your feet cemented?

"Jensen? Are you all right?" Someone's voice finally penetrated my ears, finally made my eyes follow the sound to the source.

Aido.

I made no reply, simply stared at him for a while. I don't think I even blinked, but then suddenly there was black.

"_I thought I taught you to piece things together, Jen,"_

His voice. It rang out and filled my bleary mind as I slipped into the darkness. It consumed my mind; I lost all sense of reality, life, black or white.

I was back where it all began.

"_Where have you been all night?" She asks as I nearly jump out of my skin. I gasp, whirling to face my sister leaning against the wall. I glare to her, placing my hands on my hips._

"_None of your business, Shizuka," I growl, moving to walk up the stairs and take a desperately needed shower. She moved in front of me, arms crossed over her kimono-adorned chest._

"_It's every bit of my business. You were with that gardener boy again, weren't you?" She glared, her pink eyes hard and unforgiving. I groan, letting my head fall back uselessly._

"_No. I told you it was none of your business," I growled, my eyes fiercer then hers. I pushed past her, shoving her down a few steps as I practically run to my room._

_What happens if she tells mom and dad? What happens if she figures it out? Knowing her and her inherently evil ways, something bad will happen to Ichiru or me. And it will be all her fault._

_Just like always._

She always did stuff like that. She always wanted to take what wasn't hers. She always wanted to take what I had, and almost always it was what meant the most to me.

She never seemed to let well enough alone. I wanted to run from her, but I felt like I only succeeded in getting closer.

_How do you like the academy, sister dearest?_

Her letter suddenly flashed in the darkness, her voice hissing the words along with it. Suddenly I wanted to shout and scream. I wanted to yell at her, claw at her and shove her away. I wanted her gone for good.

I wanted my peace back. I wanted to go back to that day…

"_I thought you said –" I got cut off by his lips against mine, his hands gripping my hips, "– this was only coffee," I mumbled, kissing him back eagerly. He chuckled lowly, pulling me closer as he kissed down my jaw and neck. _

"_Mm," he hummed as his only reply, nipping at my collarbone playfully. I gasped, arching into him as we tumbled carelessly onto his bed. Or at least I assumed it was his – and a bed – because I had no idea where we were._

"_This is definitely the best coffee I've had in a long time," I moaned, knotting my hands into his silver hair, pulling him as close as I could manage. He mumbled something, quickly pulling my shirt over my head. I chuckled, pushing him off of me and managing to land on top. I straddled him with a smirk on my lips, lifting his shirt off almost teasingly. _

"_Jen –" He growled my name lustily, pushing me back under him was he took control again. I laughed, my lips soon getting captured by his again. _

"_Mm, yes Ichiru?" I laughed as he simply kissed my forcefully, cutting off anything I could have said to change his mind._

_I woke up with a pale arm around my waist and sheets tangled around my legs. I groaned as the sun pierced my eyes; the sun rising at just the right angle to be directly in my eyes._

"_Morning," a voice whispered by my ear, moving so that I could bury my head deeper into its' body. I hummed in agitation, wrapping our bodies closer._

"_What time is it?" I asked, hiding from the light as he kissed my forehead gingerly. He chuckled, tangling our bodies at even more of an odd angle to get a look at the clock._

"_It's seven in the morning," He whispered. I groaned, trying my hardest not to reveal my secret. Before I could say anything more, he had me pinned under him as his violet eyes stared down endearingly. _

"_I know what you are," He whispered, leaning in to nip at my neck gently. I gasped, both at the action and his words, "So go back to sleep. I have nothing to do today," He mumbled, kissing up my jaw and pulling away. I looked to him, perplexed for a second. Sighing, he reached into his nightstand and pulled free a gun. I gasped, bearing my fangs and hissing without thinking. I lurched away, making sure he put the thing away._

"_Y-you're a hunter?" I gasped, clutching the sheets to my chest in fear and a bit of anger. He nodded, watching me carefully._

"_Is that going to bother you?" He mumbled, his eyes looking sincerely sad. I scanned him, my eyes flitting across every inch of skin that was exposed. Then they flitted back to the nightstand._

"_That thing will stay in there, won't it?" I asked, almost like a small child asking if there were monsters in her closet. He laughed, nodding as I pulled him closer to me and curled up in his arms. _

"_Good," I mumbled, sighing in content as he started to trace random patterns along my back. I rest my head on his chest, falling into a deep sleep as he curled around me._

"_Good night, Jen," He whispered, kissing my forehead one more time._

Would it have changed things if he hadn't known? Would it have changed if he hadn't told me? Could I have stopped fate if I had kept my distance? I wanted to believe that it was entirely her fault, that it was all her doing. I wanted to see the truth and blocj it out.

She was supposed to be gone.

"_Do you think he'll like this?" I asked my maid, turning around once in the mirror. She smiled, nodding with a bob of her bun. I laughed, stopping my twirling to study myself in the mirror._

_I was wearing a simple black dress that hugged all my curves and accentuated my breasts. It was short, only going to about mid-thigh. My hair was in a loose bun, strands of short brown hair sticking out almost elegantly. I had toned down my eyeliner, making it look smokier then anything else. And tonight I even wore black heels that wrapped around my calf, stopping just below my knee._

_The ring of the doorbell made me jump, shooing my maid to go and get it. She smiled, rushing to get it as I scrounged around for my small black purse. Suddenly there was someone behind me, a pale hand clasped on my shoulder. I gasped and whirled to come face to face with Shizuka._

"_You stole him from me," She growled, pushing me harshly against the wall. I gasped upon impact, but then my nails were at her throat and clawing._

"_Shut up! He was never yours!" I shouted back, suddenly realizing I shouldn't have done that. Ichiru might hear._

"_You have no idea how wrong you are! What makes you think he isn't cheating on you?" She growls, eyes scanning me with disapproval and anger. I glare back, harshly trying to convince myself that she's lying. She would never tell the truth, so why start now?_

"_Go to hell," I growled, pushing past her as I grabbed my purse and walked to the top of the stairs. _

Could you run from what you already knew was there? Could you run from the nightmare that had fear racking your soul? Could you escape from a reality you knew all too well was going to bite you in the ass?

Hide the truth. Run. Hide. Run.

**Escape**.

Rationality loses this battle. Reality loses all clarity. **You. Lose.**

_**He's Dead**_.

"_Jensen! Jen!" A blood-curdling scream fills my ears as blood fills my vision. Red everywhere. There is nothing but red smearing across my reality and burning into my eyes. There is nothing there to get rid of the horrible color._

"_I-Ichiru?" A muttered name, a whisper too late, something that I could have stopped but waited too long. Somethi_ng that I could have prevented…

"_I love you," A whisper with a caress of the cheek, pale flesh matching. A small smile on red stained lips, a cough that launches out more red._

"_Don't do this! Don't say that!" Shout at him, make him see what I mean with every fiber of my being._

"_Can't I…" A hesitant breath, "can't I tell you what my last thoughts are?"_

"_Ichiru… Please, stay with me," Whisper the words so close to his heart… whisper them against his stained red chest, pained and begging for him to stay with you forever._

"_Drink my blood. Do it. I want you to… have a piece… of…me…" Another wheezing cough, pale arm instinctively reaching up to try and stop the cascade of blood._

_And so I sink my fangs into his neck. And I inhale him. I forget for a moment that this will kill him. I forget that there is such a thing as oxygen and I simply breathe him in. I let his red stain your throat… I let him become a part of me._

**God deserts the weak. God is gone. He abandons the damned.**


End file.
